


i love you too much (to stay in love)

by Anonymous



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, M/M, Self projection, Too much self projection actually, also if this the person i wrote this about sees this, hi, i would consider it astral projection, this was impulsive
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-23
Updated: 2019-11-23
Packaged: 2021-02-18 17:41:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21530752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: It was one moment.And then radio silence.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Lee Donghyuck | Haechan
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11
Collections: Anonymous





	i love you too much (to stay in love)

It started with a week of silence.

No, actually, it started before that.

It started when Donghyuck stopped texting his good morning messages and his “this reminds me of you” texts.

No, before that.

It started when Renjun got back from China and Donghyuck didn’t bother to message him while he was there.

No, before that.

It started when Donghyuck stopped tweeting and posting pictures of Renjun with the cheesiest of captions.

No, before that.

Ah.

It started when Renjun bluntly told Donghyuck he didn’t see him in his future. 

To be fair, at seventeen years old, Renjun never saw himself turning eighteen. Never saw a career besides from his small town coffee shop part time job. Never saw anything else beyond his small town in South Korea and his small town in China. He couldn’t see a future for himself, much less one with Donghyuck in it.

And that’s where it started, an insensitive and blunt comment with no apologies. 

But Renjun didn’t know, he should’ve known though. Should’ve known the weight of his words. Should’ve known how those words could affect Donghyuck. He was friends with the boy before dating him. He knew of Donghyuck’s need to be important and remembered. Renjun reminisces the memory with a bitter tongue, an example of how his need to be truthful trumps his empathy. 

Truly, he should’ve seen it coming. The way Donghyuck’s texts got fewer. The way Donghyuck’s calls got shorter. The way Donghyuck always had somewhere to be, an occasion to go to, prior plans. The way Donghyuck lost time for him. The way Donghyuck’s eyes lost the spark in them when he looked at him. 

But Renjun was naive. Thought that if Donghyuck had a problem with him, he’d say. He never did. And Renjun had to find out the hard way.

His trip to China didn’t help. It didn’t help he lost touch with Donghyuck. He couldn’t text him nor call him. And that was that. Donghyuck didn’t even try to reach out to him. Didn’t try to ask him for his WeChat ID or his Weibo. Donghyuck wasn’t trying. But Renjun was. 

Weeks before the trip, Renjun would religiously ask how he was. How was school. Would skip org meetings to make time for him. To plan dates. Write letters. Only to be left with the barest of replies and nods.

He still remembers the feeling of uncertainty and insecurity climb up his throat. The taste of it bile on his lips.

His trip to China didn’t help his relationship, but it did help him. He felt free for once. He wasn’t overthinking about his relationship. He wasn’t overthinking about school. He wasn’t thinking. He had the time to look up to the sky and guess what ridiculous shapes the clouds formed. He had the time to take a deep breath and imagine galaxies. He had the time to look to the night sky and watch the stars shine. He realized how bad his relationship had become when he looked at the constellations and didn’t even think of Donghyuck.

He returned after a week in China. And he felt nice. Felt free. The “no notifications” sign on his phone stung when he saw it. The nice feeling was gone in a glance and he started tasting the bile again.

He texted him. Of course, he did. Renjun wasn’t a quitter. If he was going down, he would give it his all.

Donghyuck never texted him back though.

Donghyuck didn’t text him back for a week. 

He waited and waited but life was unforgiving and so was Donghyuck, apparently. 

Until he did.

He texted him back, for a moment.

One text.

Again and again. Day by day.

Until he stopped. Again.

Until the texts stopped altogether, leaving Renjun wondering what he did wrong.

Until it left Renjun insecure and unsure.

Until it left Renjun sick of being insecure with himself.

Until it left Renjun missing the nice feeling of China.

Until Renjun had enough of it.

He texts him on a Friday. Donghyuck responded on a Sunday.

They never met up for it. Never looked each other in the eye during the break up. He texted him a break up text. And Donghyuck agreed.

And just like that Renjun felt free. Felt his insecurities wash away from him. Felt his certainty come back to him. He felt like himself again. 

And it felt exhilarating.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
